In a sexual context, consent is an ongoing, active communication process ensuring everyone involved safely and willingly participates. It shifts the focus from the absence of a “no” to the presence of an explicit, enthusiastic “yes.”
The FRIES Framework
- Freely Given: Choices are made without pressure, guilt, or alcohol-fueled coercion.
- Reversible: Anyone can stop or change the activity at any moment.
- Informed: Everyone knows exactly what acts and safety measures are happening.
- Enthusiastic: Participation comes from active desire rather than passive submission.
- Specific: Saying yes to kissing is not an agreement to anything further.
When Consent Cannot Be Given
- Incapacitation: Individuals who are drunk, drugged, asleep, or unconscious lack capacity.
- Age Restrictions: Minors below the legal age of consent cannot legally agree.
- Power Imbalances: Relationships with severe authority differences can compromise free choice.
Red Flags
- Pressure: Feeling forced, guilt-tripped, or worn down until saying yes.
- Silence: Assuming a partner’s silence or lack of resistance means approval.
- Ignored Boundaries: Proceeding after a partner asks to slow down or stop
Consent is like a cup of tea…. or is it?
Video Copyright ©2015 Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios
How we talk about consent in 2026 is much more nuanced and complex than it was back in 2015, which means the tea video, while relevant and a basis for discussion, isn’t as helpful a resource as it once was.
1. How to respond to uncertainty
The video says:
“If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they’re like “um I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it.”
Why it’s wrong:
If someone says they are unsure, the advice should always be, don’t do the action.
If we were to change this scenario to be about kissing, it implies if someone says ‘no’ to a kiss, you can start kissing them anyway. You should just be aware they might not kiss you back – this is not consensual.
2. How to respond to withdrawal of consent
The video described:
A scenario where Person B initially says yes to person A, but by the time Person A arrives, person B has changed their mind. The response:
“Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to all the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.”
Why it’s wrong:
No one should ever be annoyed at someone for changing their mind. Withdrawal of consent or rejection should always be met with understanding whereas the video implies an entitlement to a “yes.”
3. Misses out other contexts
A large part of the tea video focuses on not making tea for someone who is unconscious which is important. But other contexts where consent can’t legally be given are missed, for example:
- if someone is intoxicated
- if someone is under the age of 13
- if someone has been blackmailed
4. It oversimplifies consent
The video says:
“If you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea, and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea, then how hard is it to understand it when it comes to sex?”
Why it’s wrong:
This message is an oversimplification and reduces consent down to “no means no” when actually consent is more complex than this.
Whilst using force is definitely non-consensual, it isn’t the only way an act can be non-consensual and it’s important young people understand this.
4. No practical advice
One thing the tea video avoids is giving any advice about how to actually practice consent.
It’s one thing to understand that consent should be present throughout sex, and another to have the correct skills and communication methods to ensure it actually is.
This is why the tea video is a bit of an inside joke amongst young people – they understand the theory, it’s the practice they need more support with.
So is it time to retire the Tea Consent Video?
When it comes down to it, is “consent as simple as tea”? Not at all!
The above clarification is credited to https://www.brook.org.uk/blog/whats-wrong-with-the-consent-tea-video/ © 2026 Brook Young People